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Ok, I have put off writing this post long enough. Nothing horrible has happened. On the contrary amazing things are happening. It’s just that I have been struggling with how to put into words the position we are in. So much can get misinterpreted on these blogs. Not that I really care what a bunch of strangers think but I do care that those close to us really know our hearts. So that is where I have been struggling lately.

First an adoption update. After rejoicing loudly about our speedy exit out of IBESR we were informed that we now owed the next installment of our adoption fees. This wasn’t a total surprise but one that really took the air out of our celebration. While we are still amazed and thankful at the mountain God moved getting us through IBESR so monumentally fast we are feeling quite lost at trying to know where He wants us to go now.

HOWEVER before I go to that “lost” place, listen to this!

The total due at this point to get our file moving again is $9,900.00. We do not have any of this at this point (I will try and explain this later). After receiving this bill I began immediately praying for provision and direction. I will admit, I had a minor panic attack but felt peace once I spent time in prayer. This all happened the week before halloween. Skip to Halloween night, we are at a party and a family that we have come to know through the friend who is hosting the party, hands Paul an envelope. Inside…a $5,000.00 check. Incredible right? They said God has been laying our adoption and our boys on their hearts for a while now and they just knew they were supposed to give. It was once again a display of faith and discipline like I have never experienced before this journey.

SO, back to my initial struggle. We owe a lot of money ( $4,900 at this point in time) that we don’t have and I feel like there are people out there asking why we would ever even begin a journey like this without the financial means to do so. I do not want it to appear that we are asking our friends and family to finance us at every turn. That is not the case. A year ago we were simply in a different financial place. What was expected to come in as income in 2009 was drastically cut by the turn of the economy. We took a leap of faith that God would provide us with the necessary means to make this happen and He has! We have been able to pay for more than half of the approximate $30,000.00 it will cost to bring our boys home. What we did not ever expect was to have moved through this last step so quickly. We thought we would have at least until the first of next year until another large chunk was due. So the questions remain… what does God have planned for this part of the cost. Are we supposed to ask others to help? If so, who and how? See the confusion?

Paul and I are determined to remain faithful to our God. We know we are meant to be on THIS path at THIS time. He knows where this money will come from and He knows when. That does not take away the pain of knowing our file is sitting somewhere idol when it could be moving and bringing the boys homecoming closer! That is pain we feel everyday and every night. We choose to combat that pain with prayer and faith. That is at this point something we CAN do.

I have also spent the last week gathering applications for grants and adoption loans. These application processes almost make our dossier prep look easy!!!!!! Filling them out though, makes me feel as though I am not just sitting by and waiting for another check to arrive. On paper our financial need looks minimal, I am praying that the people who read the applications look beyond the numbers and really hear our story.

So there you go. The post that took me almost 2 weeks to write. I am happy to have it out there. I needed to get it out of my head!!!!!

In less than 2 weeks we will be with our boys again! That is worth a shout of praise!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!